Serious considerations

My Enrichment
Should I stop jazz piano lessons and use the money to sign up for korean dance courses instead? Piano lessons don't seem to be put into great/good/any use. Every time Victor asks what I want to learn next, I panic. Because I don't have an answer. So I shrug and he will always ask, "Then why did you sign up for this course?" My answer: I forgot.


My Work
Should I buy a new trolley for the company so that I can shuttle the cartons of shoes between Millenia Walk and China Square? My neck, shoulders, back, MY WHOLE BODY aches everyday from doing the stock inventory and transfers with all the raffia-tying, bending down, making 44676743 trips from the shop to the car because I have 876564322345665 shoes to carry with only 2 hands.


My Future
Why are all of my primary school, secondary school and jc friends doing so well? They are studying halfway round the world, at Oxford, Cambridge, London, New Zealand, the States and wherever else, with a very promising bright bright bright future ahead of them. Here I am, sitting alone, thinking of what is to become of my life. Of late, it seems like everything I wanted to be, wanted to do, isn't really meant to be. It scares me that I can only wait and see what is in store for me because suddenly, God, the excitement is very frightening already.


My Dinner
What time is Germs going to be done with work? Waiting for her to go home together and stop by somewhere to grab a little bite. I'm so hungry I'm gonna faint soon because I am also losing alot of blood now. Strawberry season.

Overdue

"You know that kind of feeling? When you wait for something you want so badly with such great expectations. You wait and wait, but it never comes. When it finally is here, you're no longer excited."


That's what they always do to me. Not once, or twice. But all the time.

So tough, trying to be your priority.

也无所谓

被拒绝的滋味，刚尝试的时候，实在不好受。
但久而久之，你会学着应付，也会学着习惯。

痛苦，只要不多想，也会渐渐地被遗忘。
哭过了就算了。没什么好大惊小怪的。

A Colorful Start

Every time I am highly strung or on a sugar crash, I pull my hair alot. When it is messy, you'll know I'm down and out. So when I finally cannot deal with solving dead problems, I say, "It's time for a haircut!"

Over the weekend, I took an express bus together with Emma and Jinqi to attend church camp together. It was an enjoyable six-hour (not that express after all) journey to Melaka and the highlight had to be stopping over at Ayer Hitam for a simply bowl of delicious prawn noodles. If we turn mute one day, I think we would still be able to communicate because we can do so just be gesturing!

Though I only sat in for the last three teachings, I was thoroughly refreshed during the extended praise and worship. It was then I decided I need a fresh start all over.

So on Sunday, with the company of four kind souls who braved a tedious drive just so that I'd have transport back, I went for a haircut and allowed myself to be a specimen for the director stylist there who invented a new kind of coloring technology. In Davin's words, I've got "rainbow hair" now.

As we were driving on the North-south highway making our way home, I saw this car driving in front of us at one time that had a sticker on his window that read "When you're going the wrong direction, thank God for allowing U-turns." I looked around myself and thought, "but I'm on a highway with no U-turns!"

With that, Isaiah 35:8 came to mind and it assured me that since the day I decided to embark on a journey with God, there is no need for the existence of U-turns anymore. So long as I keep moving ahead and not make wrong, foolish exists, I will reach there. Maybe not anytime soon, but in time. Surely.

Another new widgety

HT was publicizing for Advertlets.com on his blog and he made it sound so cool I thought I should give it a try. So it's now appearing on my sidebar! I realised I'm finding so many interesting things to place in my sidebar but I wonder if this makes it more exciting. Hmm. Anyway, there's a little circly-squarish green arrows button at the bottom-right corner of the advertlets.com box. Click on it and do a nice lil demographic survey for me aights? :D

Please let me know I have spontaneous blog visitors like you! :D

What an empty big house

Spent the entire day at home being vague, doing this and that thing. Went for a sumptuous Sakae dinner buffet with Val last night so we went jogging tonight.

Jac's leaving for Athens tomorrow, and Dad will be away in Taiwan next Wed on. Very soon, it will just be us three girls alone at home.

I like it crowded.

Mr J.

I am going to bed now, but Mr J. wants to say something to Miss V's friends first.

"Goodnight world!"
- Mr J.

A special Wednesday

I woke up early this morning at an unusual 6.15AM. I don't wake up this early, not even if it's a Hopekids Sunday. But because I couldn't get back to sleep, I went about making my bed, washing up, then took Cuddy for a walk. The sky was in its most glorious shade of blue and there was just this little star flickering alone. Looking up, I remembered Bob Fitts' sharing just before "Constant Companion" began in one of his old albums. And he said this:

"A few years ago, I was wakin early in the morning and it wasn't because of jet lag. However usually I do wake up early just because of traveling all over the place but this one morning I woke up and I looked out and saw the morning star. I just felt like the Lord said to me, "Bob you know what, I never sleep, I never have jet lag." Aren't you glad about that? All night, while we sleep, He watches us, He looks at us. Our King. "

In "Constant Companion", the chorus goes: For You are my constant companion/You're my helper and my friend/You are the maker of the heavens and You love me again and again". Setting it on repeat through the day on my iPod lifted my spirits.

To complete the day, I had dinner with Jinqi and I truly enjoyed her company as we shared our lives over some very yummy salmon salad and oreo cheesecake. It was a very exciting yet relaxing time spent with her. She wanted to blog about our night on her blog and therefore insisted that we take a photo together so that she can add it to her blog entry on her blog. With that, I can also post this photo on this blog entry on my blog.

Starving Heart

One Sunday morning, as I was walking towards Clemenceau Room feeling blue, Chern Han ran towards me, laughing hysterically with his arms open wide. It brought me instantaneous joy as I swiftly picked him up into my arms and held him close. I started loving him from that morning on.

Someone once spoke of beautiful cathedrals with all their splendid architecture as frozen music. I sometimes feel that way at home. Tamar asked me one night on our way home together if I have chosen who I'd want to stay with and at that moment, I almost hallucinated Eugene doing his "dang dang dang dang" stunt.

There is a great deal of frozen love in this world (mine, at least). Seemingly stately, strong, and beautiful, yet lacking in tender expression. There are hundreds of homes in this world in which there is love that would die for its dear ones if there was a need, while yet in those very homes, are hearts starving for love's daily bread (mine too, at least).

Faithfulness

Set up my presentation this morning. I edited the backgroud because it was occupied with random faces and things. Anyhow, this was it. Every time I look at this collection, the trauma of having to do sleeves, cuffs, pin tucks on princess seam, buttons, pleats, invisible zip and separate shirt collar all on just one shirt, comes back to me. Well, it paid off! :)

A couple of days back, I took a very long stroll from Bugis after my piano class to George St (Clarke Quay) to meet Jac for dinner. I sat by the bridge across the Fullerton Hotel to just watch the tourist boats slowly go by, the couples sitting by the benches along the river, the elitists dine at the Bar Opiume, the foreigners posing with Sir Stamford and the sun residing back to the other side of the world.


I am at Day Two of the Connect journal and as I reflected on God's faithfulness and ability to bring about His promises to me, I recalled the night of 15 March 2006 where I knew Him so tangibly, I wrote, "Tonight, He came home with me. And you know how it feels like? Like you're drunk on the Holy Spirit, like you've just came in touch with the most glorious one, like you're on a hot air balloon up high and light, like you've fallen in love. "

If You can bring the sun to rise everyday, the rose to come alive every spring, You can make me fall in love with You again.

In the midst of the storm
through the wind and the waves
You'll still be faithful, You'll still be faithful
When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more
You'll still be faithful

You'll still be faithful, Lord.